shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
