Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
