Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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