i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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