put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Acid is not a monday night drug
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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