I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
