Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
