apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
