There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
