I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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