So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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