tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
