Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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