The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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