8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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