How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
