Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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