Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so let's talk penis.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
