you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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