Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
