At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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Are my feet made of real feet?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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