so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
