just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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