u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
