i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
