Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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