You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
