I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize