no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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