You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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