you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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