i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
