well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize