I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
