wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
