i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
