if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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