I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
