their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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