why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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