I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
