Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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