We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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