I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
