dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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