I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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