Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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