oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
