two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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