At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
