I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
