just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
