I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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