There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
