Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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