Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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