Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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